Sleeping With The Enemy?

Last night, If felt like a two dollar whore. I had just fallen asleep last night after going over what had gone on during the day when I met with those PI's. Then, I felt his hand on my crotch. I knew this was the signal that he wanted "some". I pretended to be asleep, but he wasn't having it. He continued to hit the "spot" and affair or no affair, I Just cannot resist that. It's so unfair. This is the one moment I can't resist. Nowadays, the foreplay doesn't exist. It's more like one or two play. For me, its just getting my return on my investment, even though he lasts for less than it takes for Michael Phelps to break the next record. I must admit, size does matter, and he is not lacking in that area, but I just lay there waiting for him to do his thing. As soon as it started, it was over, no conversation, just the toweling off part, and turning over, deep into a snore. I felt so unclean, so dirty. As much as I want him to use a condom, how can I suggest he do this without tipping him off that I know he is sleeping with another women? Damn, damn, damn. I have to stay in character if I am to find out the truth. It's like I am on a military spy mission, but I am the real pawn. This is Sex in the City, folks.

Seeeeeeeeee you next time, girls

Social Responsibility

Hiring A Private Detective

I must admit, I am very nervous even thinking about this type of approach to resolving my marriage meltdown, but I have put too much into the marriage to fail and be left without anything, and no answers. In many ways, thinking about spying on my mate makes me feel as though I am doing something wrong, like I am the one cheating. Does that make sense? Well, none of it does, but what else am I to do, let this son of a bitch get away with the joys of posting another score in his favor and wrecking two lives? How fair is that? Life isn't fair, I am beginning to reason. I just feel unclean and unfit. Remember, I haven't confronted him, yet. I am not afraid of him, but I am afraid of being and proven wrong. That's where hiring a Private Detective comes in. If I go at it alone and fire off accusations that have no basis, I could never face myself. As much as I believe he is sleeping around, I still love him and want him to be clean of any wrong doing. I want to be wrong, but if I am, he would never believe me, and where would I go from there.

Right now, I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop, the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf sipping on the newest offering of Tea. I love the stuff. Not much on coffee. What I love the most is just being here among other lap-toppers who blend in and search for their souls on a screen that stares back at them. In many ways, I feel I am looking through the window of my soul. Ready or not, I begin my local Google search for PI's with a Specialty in Handling Affairs. I guess I have watched episodes of Cheaters too much on the boob tube.

Here's to Empowerment,

My Cheating Husband: Prologue

Well, this is good of a place to start a blog than any. I reasoned it would get your attention, and dig right into the dirty and dark part of most of our relationships with our lovers. Like it or not, your lover may be cheating on you just as my suspicions lead me to believe that I am being duped. You can deny it like many of my fellow damaged goods buddies are doing, ignore it because you are too embarrassed to face the chalupas thrown in your face, or your can do what I am doing...fight like hell to uncover the truth. The questions is: What will I do when I learn that there is the "Other Woman", that my husband is burying his Bone in someone else's garden? That's where you all come in. Here is when I need you to shoulder me through this. Hopefully, we can weather it together.

I am not suffering from the beauty thing. Perhaps many of you are. Not me, girlfriend. I happen to think I can give Jessica Alba a run for her money. No, seriously. But, captivating looks never kept a lover around. Ask Halle what happened when David Justice went snooping around looking for more prey, as if he didn't have the most gorgeous feline in the world sharing a bed with him. However, I do suffer from the self-esteem issue which has been with me since I knew myself. Besides, my man is leaving all the makings of a cheating man behind. Work is getting longer, and he is no longer making love to me. Instead he is giving me the two minute, two dollar whore workout. Something is wrong, and I must know who SHE is and why he has lost the flavor for our love, and why now when I am just beginning to feel pretty. I am crying while writing this post, and it's hard to go on, but I need to do this.

I know this is a tall feat to handle, but I must know the truth. Some of my skeptics would agree that the truth hurts and that "what you DON"T know can't hurt you". Well, hogwash! I'm not buying. I want to know. I need to know. Like many others before me have said, this is my 'closure'.

What are your thoughts? I have an idea on finding the truth, but it would sure help if you chimed in. Post a comment, girlfriends. I need your say.

Here's to empowerment,

Starr